A Rusty, Paradoxical Mind™

I'm cold.
I'm hungry.
I'm feeling guilty.

Always have been able to persuade myself that that *insert something sweet but its fattening and unhealthy here* would be able to pick up my mood, that it's okay to swallow because I should reward myself after *insert something I did that I think I SHOULD be rewarded for*. But it always ended up not serving the function I repeatedly told myself it would. Instead, its only a flimsy excuse for me to chomp on and on without feeling guilty OR happy.

I'm not starving myself  or sticking fingers down my throat if that's what you're thinking of after reading the first three lines.
My housemate's room is really cold now because the air-cond is on, full blast with the ceiling fan on two.
I had a fulfilling breakfast, lunch and dinner. I reckon my stomach's alter ego is feigning hunger.
Am guilty cos I ended up not going home despite I told mum that I would and buying that pair of flip flop that I do not need at the moment.

Three separate events that in my opinion, inter-relate and cause the downward spiral of my mood, especially the third event.

Things got better after blasting music on my earphones and curled up in foetus position to read a book. Good distractions. Plus oh, had a free facial and scrub by Karyen. (Thank you budak for the facial and patience while talking to me. HAHA)

I do not want to live a life where I would have regrets, regardless of how it would or would not impact my life in the long run. But as easy as it is said, I find it increasingly hard because that would mean restricting it to a mere boring and pathetic student life. As if it's not already. Where is the fun when there is no risk? Where is the peace of mind when there is no rationality?

I guess I shall try to be more filial because it breaks my heart every single time I thought of the soon-to-be empty home. This is a promise.