When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!

I'm trying my very best to live by this quote.
Trying very hard to fight off the pessimistic side of me.
Trying not to retreat back.
I will not bow down to whatever that comes in my way.
I WILL NOT.

You know when you're dead exhausted and then out of a sudden, all the bullshits starts happening to you. Not a piece of shit, but thousands of it like it's out to drown you.
That's what I'm feeling right now.
It's as if life is out to get me and it will not rest until I'm on my knees begging for its mercy.
Just leave me alone please.
I don't think I've did any evil that made me deserve such cruelty.

And to my dear heart and mind, could you please work in unison for once?
It's really tiring when the both of you are not thinking and feeling in unison.
Responsibility vs. wants.

Exhausted.

It's that time of the semester again, grouping for assignments.
And of course it's the time where it's every man for himself.
Why isn't it compulsory to have only individual assignments in the undergraduate programme?
I would prefer that, thank you very much.
There ain't no pressure at all.
I get to choose when the hell I wanna start doing my assignments.
And the best part, if my marks is not of satisfactory, I only have myself to blame.
Instead of the usual, pointing and badmouthing behind the scene.

the emo bug is contagious

How to be accepted without losing yourself?
People keep saying do not conform to others if it means losing yourself.
It's okay to be yourself.
Why change to be accepted?
You are who you are.
Then why can't those people accept others for who they are?

I'm pretty adamant, scratch that, I WAS adamant about not changing myself to conform to others.
But I find that it's a tough road because the more I try to stay true to myself, the more I find myself drifting away from society.
And that leaves me to start questioning myself, my attitude, my principals, my standing in life, the way I handle things and whatnot.
Then I'll start trying to please others in order to get into their good book, in order to get back into the "society", to be accepted.
That's when I find myself disappearing bits by bits.

It's disgusting. It's horrible. It's scary.
I am strong, that's my facade.
What choice do I have left?
Cry and runaway?
But having a strong front does not mean that I am bullet-proof.
There are tiring times too.
I am not brought up to be strong.
It's under these conditions that I find the need to be "strong".
It's tiring to be constantly trying and trying but in the end, it's a dead end.
It's tiring to constantly trying to keep everyone happy but in the end, not only the effort is not appreciated, but everything that I try to protect is ruined.

They have the confidence to say why change to conform to the norm?
Easy.
Why can't you accept me for who I am?
Somewhat pessimistic. Calculative. Short-tempered. Introvert. Coward. Egoistic. Fat. Sarcastic. Dry sense of humor. Racist. Paradoxical. Foul-mouthed.

"Sometimes it sucks being strong. Because when people know that you are strong, they think that it is okay to hurt you, over and over again." - Anonymous

Am learning breaststroke and it's getting tiring!
I want to learn backstroke but coach ain't letting us before we achieve two breaststroke laps at one go.
ZOMG.
I swim quarter of the pool also wanna die already leh.
*facepalm*

What I am doing now is not affecting my grades.
I do not have great grades to begin with but.. that's not the point.
I think it's sort of affecting my social life.
Not that I have a great social network in school anyways.
But that's not the point again.

Hello there,

I should be studying but instead I'm here to procrastinate for a bit. (I have a midterm paper waiting for me tomorrow and the following day)

I must say that this semester is my busiest semester yet I'm happy to be doing all of it, of course excluding the revising and rushing for assignment parts. Who likes that? HAHA. Things are a different compared to a year before, be it myself, my friends, school etc. I guess it's okay though. Tralalalala.....

I'm pretty involved with my course's association, being the secretary and a lot of other shadow roles that sometimes means covering others' responsibilities. You know the saying cover mountain, cover sea in hokkien? LOL. That's what I do basically.

Plus I'm taking swimming lessons with my housemates. We've only started a trial lesson last week and tomorrow night we'll be going for the first official lesson. I've always have this slight phobia towards water but fortunately I was able to conquer the fear. I kept telling myself I wouldn't drown in a three feet pool with the coach monitoring us right? HAHA. Well, I've never thought of doing this in a million years because of my fear of wearing swimsuit in public but ya know what? I told myself that there's girls out there who is chubbier than me and they could do it, so why can't I? LOL. I realized that I actually like being in the water and it's getting addictive ;)

Apart from swimming lessons, I'm also taking dancing lessons. Shocking right? HAHA. It's involuntarily lah cos it's actually for a camp that the logistics association is prepping for. The facilitators are suppose to perform during the last night so we're all learning the dance steps in advance. But shhhh don't tell anyone k? LOL.

Just hope that what I'm doing now will be worth it without really affecting my grades. I do not have the best grades, but I don't want it to turn really bad as well :/

Geez

Does wearing contact lenses equivalent to fatt hao?
Does having flushed cheeks means I put on make-ups?

I like to wear contact lenses to class my problem lah.
I have healthy, glowing cheeks my problem lah.
I do not owe you any explanation.
Who the hell are you anyways?
*roll eyes*